A brief dip into being enamored.

Enamor - \i-ˈna-mər\ ; transitive verb - to cause to feel a strong or excessive interest or fascination.

I wouldn't call it an excessive interest or fascination. The etymology of the word "enamor" comes from "en" and "amor" meaning "in love" though not necessarily professing the "L" word...similar to adore, etc. (now my nerd-dom is showing through). "Enamor" or "enamored" seemed like a fitting word for a change in my life right now.

As I know there are only a handful of people that read [stalk] this blog, they all pretty much know my basic rundown history. Somewhere in this blog is a brief rundown/history on things, and if you can find it, go ahead and just skim over it.

I have never let that history dictate my present and future. I call it one of life's lessons learned.

There is an old saying that says, "you find what you're looking for when you stop looking for it," and I am now a believer that that is the truth. I don't try to pin "it" down or label it so I'm not claiming any particular word for the most recent events, but you all can do what you want.

Courtesy of a giant mastiff's rear end, I have started a wonderful relationship with an even more wonderful man. There is always a piece to a puzzle that fits the puzzle of your life, there is always someone out there that doesn't match you, but someone that complements you...similar to a puzzle piece. He is that person. Somewhere several weeks ago, I started making a list. My friends joined in on this list, and this man "fits" the obscure and ridiculous list.

I call the list obscure and ridiculous because there are so many tiny things on the list that it almost seemed impossible that someone might fit the nooks and crannies (i.e. doesn't mind when I play Halo, likes BIG dogs, likes the outdoors, etc.) I can check all three of those off right now.

So if my blogs seem to retain their sarcasm with a hint of butterflies...you know why :)

High Pointers.

For the past five and a half years, I have been a high pointer. A high pointer is a person that hikes all 50 states' highest points. Then there are global high pointers who attempt to hike as many of the countries' highest points in the world.

Here is a brief description of where I've been thus far:

Sassafras Mountain, South Carolina - Located past a camp for the blind, it could be one of the easiest high points to get to. You don't have to hike - you park...and walk a few feet. There's no amenities here (or at least there weren't any Nov. 2002). There is a geo marker, however, indicating that you're in the right spot. Be prepared to smell burning brake fluid on the way down. Don't ride your brakes, or they'll overheat.

Brasstown Bald, Georgia - You can pay a couple of bucks and take a shuttle to the top, or you can hike the trail. I would consider the trail moderately strenuous. You have to be in, at least, decent shape to walk the (paved) trail.

Mount Davis, Pennsylvania - Mount Davis is also another easy high point. You drive down a long country road to get to it, park, and walk to the spot. There is a tall observatory tower at the site as well that was open...at least in Nov. 2002.

Spruce Knob, West Virginia - Spruce Knob is drive up and walk as well though the geo marker is a little difficult to find...in the dark...as we tried. There is an observatory type building on the site as well. One side up the mountain is hairpin turns, and then the other side isn't. The other side (not hairpin turn road) is more scenic.

Hoye-Crest/Backbone Mountain, Maryland - This is a fairly moderately strenuous hike as well. We hiked in the snow in November 2002 for this. There is a marker on the top of the site and a geo marker. Also at the top is/was a box that had printed out "I hiked the high point" certificates someone had placed in there for others to fill out and take.

Mount Rogers, Virginia - Mount Rogers is one of the most interesting hikes. The terrain goes from flat to rocky to prairie to pine forest. There are also the Wilburn Ridge Wild Ponies if you hike from Grayson Highlands (the easiest access point). This is one of my favorite East Coast hiking areas that goes through Jefferson National Park.

High Point, New Jersey - High Point State Park is closing to the public July 1, 2008 so we got our trip in before this time. There is a beautiful obelisk on the top of the mountain, but that will be closed off as well due to budget cuts. You can see NY, NJ, and PA from the top of the mountain. It's a shame the budget cuts have to come as there won't be any people to enjoy this beautiful park.

Upcoming high points:

Mount Mitchell, North Carolina
Cheaha Mountain, Alabama
Clingmans Dome, Tennessee

Great Day Shadowed by Disgust

Today is supposed to be a great day for me. Prior to my week long excursion, and post his three week excursion, I am set to see The Man :) However, I run through my daily routine which includes reading top headlines, and I'm disgusted:

"Father accused of assaulting baby"
"On-duty ambulance driver shot"
"Mom, daughter bullied teen"
"Scrap metal thieves destroy WWI statue"

Reading the stories behind these, I really have to wonder, "what is the world coming to?" followed up by "why doesn't the media report on GOOD stories?"

Why must we, as humans, dwell on the negative instead of the positive. I'm sure somewhere out there for every sickening story, there is a positive one. So why can't we report on those?

Having Class vs. Being a Prude

Recently...online (which is just the Mecca of intelligent conversations) I was called a prude. Okay.
I will not delay while you compose yourselves from the laughter that ensued with that comment.

Let's go into the etymology of both words:

Prude - noun - a person who always excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.

Class - adjective - elegance, grace, or dignity, as in dress and behavior; of high quality, integrity, status, or style.

The connotation with the word "prude" is snyonymous with "fuddy duddy" or "uptight." This is usually a person that doesn't know how to relax and have a good time and is generally always correcting others on their behavior. A "prude" rarely discusses open-minded topics and tends to be more objective than subjective in their thought. Persons who are considered "prudes" are looked down upon.

The connotation of someone with "class" is someone who shows good manners, high integrity, and has the tact to know when various topics should and should not be discussed. Their mind-set is both objective and subjective. Persons who are considered as having "class" are generally looked up to or at least treated no differently.

I consider myself as having class, maturity, and intelligence. Obviously, I can cut loose. I can relax, and I am a diehard smartass as well. Being a prude is not something I consider. After all, would a prude work at a nudist resort for two seasons?

The reasoning as to why I was called a prude is because an online acquaintance and I were talking. It had just stormed here a few minutes prior. I asked him what he was up to. He answered "work." Knowing that he is a security guard that often walks patrols, and it had just rained, I asked, "did you get wet?" I was informed "not yet" with a smirking emoticon wink and some other bawdy comment after that. It was the bawdy comment that made my jovial nature turn to immediate disgust.

This person with whom I spoke was not someone I had met nor had any type of romantic interest or wants to pursue such a relationship with. In a matter of a split second, my opinion of this person was solidified. I had an inkling of such an opinion, but that sealed the cake.

When I informed him I was only asking him if he had gotten wet from the rain at work as it had just stormed where I was (in close proximity to his work), I was told, "what? Why are you such a prude?" I merely ignored the comment.

The following day I received a "what's up" instant message that also went ignored. I then received an instant message the following day that said, "hey I put some new pictures up." So I went and took a gander at them to humor him since he wanted my "opinion" on them.

I log online, I hop onto the site, and there are two photos there. There is one with the face of a girl up close to the camera, she's wearing a black t-shirt, lying stomach down on the bed, and you can see someone standing behind her with hands on her hips. The caption was something along the lines of "my girl getting it from behind" but was supposed to be dripping with $5 words (see other posts). The second photo was the girl now laying on something denim with the caption, "my girl praying to the phallis gods. Note that blue denim is my jeans." Seriously? Someone did not just post those on a public website, and we're supposed to think that's sexy? complimenting? hot?

No, that shows an incredible lack of class. This same person is no longer on my "acquaintances" list and has since been removed from my 'list' on the site of which I spoke in the previous paragraph.

Maybe I'm wrong, but posting random items on public websites to various girls like "Caution: Slippery When Wet" (not regarding the floor) doesn't scream "CLASS" to me.

So if being a prude is the opposite of this person, I take it as a compliment.

How to fry apples :)

A Morbid Blog.

Kind of a morbid blog, but you know, if I don't post it, or I don't let people know, how will they? So here goes.

If for some reason, I should die unexpectedly, would you know what I wanted my friends and family to know? Would you know what my final wishes were? If not, you should continue reading. If you know, stop now, or you might get a little teary-eyed.

1. NO ONE is allowed to wear all black at my memorial service. NO ONE. I want vibrant colors. I want blues and reds and purples. I want people to be comfortable. Wear jeans. By all means, where cowboy boots or cowboy hats - or both. Nothing corny - no fake foam hats or anything - that's not allowed. Wear a big foam finger that says "God rocks!" or "Jack's #1!"

2. Don't spend your time crying. Okay, shed some tears for me, but no massive weeping. Celebrate my life not mourn my death.

3. Have a good time. After my service, I want there to be a BBQ, a Grill Out somewhere. I want there to be cold beers and ciders, cold wine, and people just having a great time. I swear, if someone drawls out Margaritaville...I will HAUNT you! Play some Counting Crows, some Blessid Union of Souls. Play some rockin' songs that we all know. Morgenstern, play Footloose ;)

4. I want Morgenstern to sing at my service or somewhere. She'll get upset so someone probably needs to be there with her - Lesley, Robert, someone. Morgenstern, don't sing an overly sappy song. Sing something that reminds you of me like El Tango del Roxanne. I probably f'ed that one up, but oh well.

5. No fighting over anything I may have. I don't have anything extravagent, but what I do have I don't want fought over.

6. Any of my artwork gets divided among my friends and family.

7. Photos do the same thing as #6.

8. I do not want to be buried in a coffin. I would like to be cremated; however, being the unique person I am....here is how I would like my parts to be spread:

1) Dick's Creek in the North Georgia Mountains
2) Warwick, NY apple orchard
3) Cape May, NJ
4) Wildwood
5) Kenya or Tanzania (if possible)
6) Scottish Highlands near Caithness
7) Edinburgh
8) Among a fabulous rose garden

That's about it, I guess - but I want the remaining ashes buried with my family.

9) Let's see....Roses are my favorite. I like wildflowers. I love cheesecake - you do the math.

I guess that's about it. I'd put here what I'd say to family and friends, but that would get entirely too mushy....and long.

A Morbid Blog.

Kind of a morbid blog, but you know, if I don't post it, or I don't let people know, how will they? So here goes.

If for some reason, I should die unexpectedly, would you know what I wanted my friends and family to know? Would you know what my final wishes were? If not, you should continue reading. If you know, stop now, or you might get a little teary-eyed.

1. NO ONE is allowed to wear all black at my memorial service. NO ONE. I want vibrant colors. I want blues and reds and purples. I want people to be comfortable. Wear jeans. By all means, where cowboy boots or cowboy hats - or both. Nothing corny - no fake foam hats or anything - that's not allowed. Wear a big foam finger that says "God rocks!" or "Jack's #1!"

2. Don't spend your time crying. Okay, shed some tears for me, but no massive weeping. Celebrate my life not mourn my death.

3. Have a good time. After my service, I want there to be a BBQ, a Grill Out somewhere. I want there to be cold beers and ciders, cold wine, and people just having a great time. I swear, if someone drawls out Margaritaville...I will HAUNT you! Play some Counting Crows, some Blessid Union of Souls. Play some rockin' songs that we all know. Morgenstern, play Footloose ;)

4. I want Morgenstern to sing at my service or somewhere. She'll get upset so someone probably needs to be there with her - Lesley, Robert, someone. Morgenstern, don't sing an overly sappy song. Sing something that reminds you of me like El Tango del Roxanne. I probably f'ed that one up, but oh well.

5. No fighting over anything I may have. I don't have anything extravagent, but what I do have I don't want fought over.

6. Any of my artwork gets divided among my friends and family.

7. Photos do the same thing as #6.

8. I do not want to be buried in a coffin. I would like to be cremated; however, being the unique person I am....here is how I would like my parts to be spread:

1) Dick's Creek in the North Georgia Mountains
2) Warwick, NY apple orchard
3) Cape May, NJ
4) Wildwood
5) Kenya or Tanzania (if possible)
6) Scottish Highlands near Caithness
7) Edinburgh
8) Among a fabulous rose garden

That's about it, I guess - but I want the remaining ashes buried with my family.

9) Let's see....Roses are my favorite. I like wildflowers. I love cheesecake - you do the math.

I guess that's about it. I'd put here what I'd say to family and friends, but that would get entirely too mushy....and long.

Husband Gets Late Wife's Wedding Bands Back.

CLICK FOR UPDATE ON RINGS!

I don't know how many of you have been keeping up with this story. Brief rundown:

1) Woman designs rings - gets married to her husband, then Navy Aviator.
2) Woman dies in car accident - taken to Grady.
3) Case worker brings belongings and comfort to husband.
4) Rings missing.
5) Investigation ensues for several weeks.
6) Police know who they look for.
7) Suspect avoiding cops.
8) Suspect caught "does not have rings."
9) Suspect's nephew had pawned rings.
10) Rings recovered.

There are more touching details about the rings, etc. The link above is an update

Liebe ist...

Liebe ist....Nena

German Lyrics:
du guckst mich an
und ich geh mit
und der ist ewig dieser augenblick
da scheint die sonne
da lacht das leben
da geht mein herz auf
ich will's dir geben
ich will dich tragen
ich will dich lieben
denn die liebe ist geblieben
hat nicht gefragt
ist einfach da
weglaufen geht nicht
das ist mir klar

du und ich das ist ganz sicher
wie ein schöner tiefer rausch
von der ganz besonderen sorte
und wir haben ein recht darauf
uns immer wieder zu begegnen
immer wieder anzusehen
wenn die große weite welt ruft
werd ich sicher mit dir geh'n

liebe will nicht
liebe kämpft nicht
liebe wird nicht
liebe ist
liebe sucht nicht
liebe fragt nicht
liebe ist so wie du bist

gute nacht mein wunderschöner
und ich möcht mich noch bedanken
was du getan hast
was du gesagt hast
es war ganz sicher nicht leicht für dich
du denkst an mich in voller liebe
und was du siehst geht nur nach vorne
du bist mutig
du bist schlau
und ich werd' immer für dich da sein
das weiß ich ganz genau

du und ich wir sind wie kinder
die sich lieben wie sie sind
die nicht lügen und nicht fragen
wenn es nichts zu fragen gibt
wir sind zwei und wir sind eins
und wir sehn die dinge klar
und wenn einer von uns gehen muss
sind wir trotzdem immer da

wir sind da, wir sind da, wir sind da
wir sind da, wir sind da, wir sind da

liebe will nicht
liebe kämpft nicht
liebe wird nicht
liebe ist
liebe sucht nicht
liebe fragt nicht
liebe fühlt sich an wie du bist

liebe soll nicht
liebe kämpft nicht
liebe wird nicht
liebe ist
liebe sucht nicht
liebe fragt nicht
liebe ist so wie du bist

so wie du bist
so wie du bist
liebe ist so wie du bist
liebe so wie du bist
liebe ist so wie du bist
liebe ist so wie du bist
liebe so wie du bist
liebe ist so wie du bist
so wie du bist
so wie du bist

English Lyrics:

you look at me
and I go with you
and it's eternal, this moment
the sun is shining
life is laughing
my heart opens up
I want to give it to you
I want to carry you
I want to love you
for love has remained
didn't ask
is simply there
there's no running away
that's obvious to me

you and I that's quite surely
like a wonderful deep rapture
of the very special kind
and we have a right to
keep meeting again and again
to keep looking at each other
when the big wide world calls
I'll surely go with you

love doesn't want
love doesn't fight
love doesn't become
love is
love doesn't seek
love doesn't ask
love is like you are

good night my marvelous one
and I'd still like to express my gratitude
what you did
what you said
it certainly wasn't easy for you
you think of me in complete love
and what you see only moves forward
you're courageous
you're smart
and I'll always be there for you
that I know for sure

you and I we're like children
who love each other the way they are
who don't lie and don't ask
when there's nothing to ask
we are two and we are one
and we see things clearly
and when one of us must go
we are still always there

we are there, we are there, we are there
we are there, we are there, we are there

love doesn't want
love doesn't fight
love doesn't become
love is
love doesn't seek
love doesn't ask
love feels like you are

love should not
love doesn't fight
love doesn't become
love is
love doesn't seek
love doesn't ask
love is like you are

like you are
like you are
love is like you are
love like you are
love is like you are
love is like you are
love like you are
love is like you are
like you are
like you are

There are still good people in this world....

Injured while making her first home-run in a softball game, the rival team helps their opponent....

Rockin' it Out.

Back in 1999 or so, the song, "Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me for Me) was incredibly popular. Performed by Blessid Union of Souls, it was a song that you could belt out at the top of your lungs - guy or girl.

Blessid Union of Souls came and did a concert at North Georgia when I was there for homecoming. I was plastered up against the front of the stage. Me, and my Janeane Garafalo self elbowing the obnoxious blonde sorostitutes from getting in MY way. So when Hey Leonardo rocked out, the ENTIRE gym (as that's where our stage was - funny, I know - kinda like older elementary schools with the stage in the cafeteria's?) was singing so incredibly loudly. I've liked the song ever since - almost 9 years running now.


Blessid Union Of Souls Lyrics

Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)



She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good because I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'

She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed

She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch to much t.v.

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in "Fargo"
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again

And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Gazing at the ceiling
as we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of are gonna show us
what we're made of in the end

She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavarotti
Or because I am such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me
There must be something there that I don't see

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Hairy
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
Unlike the Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Found her once again
I'm so glad I found her once again
On again

The Night.

We spent the night walking, hand-in-hand, in a city new to us: a city with beautiful arched bridges, where the old town mixes with the new city. Though there were people surrounding us, it was just you and I, and that's all that mattered. We headed back to our room, and the May heat helped in creating a gleam of sweat on our skin.

I stripped down to all but a white tank top and bikini and over-dramatically landed on the bed, my arms outstretched, my hair whipping down around me from the fall. You laughed at me, but you were stripping down, too. You opened the window to our room all the way, and the sights and sounds of the European town found its way up to the room.

You sat down at your laptop to check some things, and I rose myself up on one arm, lying on my side, looking over at you smiling as you began to serenade the city with your own renditions of songs that they had never heard. I shook my head and smiled. The coolness of the night danced across my skin attempting to banish the sweaty gleam.

You turned around and smiled when "Still" came across the music of choice on your laptop. I gave a sly grin back to you, still watching you, hearing the tap-tap of the keys combined with your serenading and all of the sounds below our window outside. I rolled over on my back, my hands under my head and just listened for awhile before deciding to sneak up on you.

You were busy singing when I came up behind you, put my hands on my knees, leaned forward, and kissed the back of your neck. Involuntarily, you scrunched up your shoulders and turned to look at me. I ran my hand from one shoulder, across your back to your other shoulder while walking around to the front of you.

You push back slightly from the table where you were working as I slide myself down between the table and your chest, straddling your lap, my hands on either arms of the chair you're sitting in, and I lean back and smile at you. You, too, get a smile across your face.

The ice-cold Coca-Cola in the glass bottle sitting on the desk has cold, wet condensation running down the glass bottle. I run my fingers down it, picking up some of the cold water on my fingers and playfully flick my fingers at you and laugh. You just smile and shake your head, picking up the bottle and taking a swig of the cool, crisp nectar it contains.

Just as you're putting down the bottle, I lean forward, my hands on either side of your face and kiss you. Your mouth cooled and sweet from the drink, I lightly nibble your lips at first then start the night's perfect kiss - lightly, and then wanting more, my tongue plays with yours - two lovers on their own. You wrap your arms around my waist as I arch forward against you. One hand runs behind your head and down your neck, and I gently run my nails up your shoulder. I pull away because your kiss has left me breathless, and my breath plays across your lips as you lean forward and quickly steal a small kiss from me.

I smile, lean back, criss-cross my arms and pull off my tank top, my bare chest pressed against yours. We kiss again, I've extended my arms around your neck, my fingers interlocking behind your head. You pull back slightly and run your hand down my neck and down slowly across my chest while the other is placed against the middle of my back.

We both smile, and I stand up, taking you by the hands, our fingers entwined with one another, and, walking backwards, give you a seductive smile.

This hot night is about to get hotter.

"Kennedy" by Kill Hannah

"Kennedy"

I wanna be a Kennedy
I wanna be a big heartbreaker
Live fast and for real
And you can follow it in the papers

I wanna be a Kennedy
I wanna shake hands with heroes
And kiss the girls of centerfolds on the tongue
And die young

I'll be brave tonight
Either live or die
I'll be brave tonight
Standing tall and bright
Such romantic eyes
Got me hypnotized
And if I had my chance I'd never let you go
And if I had my chance I'd never let you go

I wanna be a Kennedy
I wanna be tall and handsome
I'd conquer the world
And you'd see it on television

If I could be a Kennedy
If I could be a real heartbreaker
I'd watch you crash into my arms
We're the stars under the barrel of a gun
We die young

I'll be brave tonight
Standing tall and bright
Such romantic eyes
Got me hypnotized
And if I had my chance I'd never let you go
And if I had my chance I'd never let you go

Kill Hannah.

No, I don't mean "kill someone named Hannah," it's a band. It's a band I've grown to like (thank you, Viva la Bands, Vol. 2).

Believer.

It took eight years just to realize no one looks when we say goodbye.
Dying just to survive.
It feels like the first time.

All the things that you set aside.
All the friends that you leave behind just so the curtain would rise.
And it feels like the first time.

Take this heart.
It's tickin' like a cheap clock.
Oh, I need you to believe in me 'til there's nothing left of us.
Oh, I need you to believe in me.
Oh my God.

We were under the skyline through the sirens and flashing lights.
Told me it's no use to try anymore.
Does it mean that much to you?

At that moment when time stops all at once, see the pressure drops.
Weighing in the back of my teeth I knew that we all could make it.

Take this heart.
It's tickin' like a time bomb and I'm not running anymore.
I'll stand to face it all.
I'll fight for every breath until there's nothing left of us.
Oh, I need you to believe in me.
Oh my God.

And I'm not running anymore.
I'll stand to face it all.
I'll fight for every breath until there's nothing left of us.
Oh, I need you to believe in me 'til there's nothing left of us.
Oh, I need you to believe.
I need you to believe.

A letter.

Dear God (or to whomever deity you believe),

I know I am human, and I know I am fallible. I know that you test us when we need it most, and I also know that you know when we need it. I am asking for just a little help here: just a little time when I am not being tested. At this point, it feels as though I'm a lone stick house on a small island being bombarded on all sides by monsoons and typhoons. You see, God, there is this little piece of string, this thread-barren piece of twine, hand-wound, trying its hardest to hold the stick house together. It does, however, need help. Every second, there are heavy rains and strong winds trying to beat it down, trying to tear it apart and trying to make it seem like it never existed in the first place.

For once, I would like a calm day. A day with blue skies, scant clouds, and a slight breeze: just enough of a breeze to sway the stick house slightly, but not cause any severe damage. Maybe on that calm day, too, you might be able to end it on a calm night so I can sleep a little better, too. BUT...I know that might be asking too much so if you could just help me with one day of calmness, of no typhoons or monsoons, of no doing my best to hold it together but still losing a little bit with each slash of the wind or bite of the storm, I would appreciate it wholly.

Fondly yours,

The twine.

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant: Unspoken.

From time to time, and I don't know why, acquaintances ask me to give their opinions on their love life, relationships, and every aspect surrounding that. I mean every...aspect surrounding that. I'd generally be the listener, the shoulder, or whatever they need me to be, but not the advice giver. I've had questions and comments arise this week that have puzzled me, upset me, annoyed me, flat out pissed me off, and made me smile.

I think all of my friends will agree with me on this: it's not the words spoken, it's the things did in a relationship that matter the most. Even more of a dissection, it's the little things done that matter the most.

I'm direct. Now I've not always been that way, but I became more comfortable in who I was to realize...why should I mind? I have class, and I have manners, but I also speak my mind. I have heard the "how do you DO that?" or "I could never do that." I can. I think everyone can. I wish people would stop being so afraid of what people will think, what the reaction will be.

I posted a blog earlier in the week of how my friends see me, and I told a friend today, "you are who you are." You need to figure out who you really are. Instead of various adjectives, you need to look inward. Is how you portray yourself to others who you really are? Do you say one thing and do another? Do you act differently around people, or are you always the same no matter what? Are you true to yourself, and can you be true to yourself? Until you know who you are, and until you're true with yourself, how can you share yourself with others?

This is a mantra, if you will, that you should keep in the back of your mind.

In 7th grade, our teacher group came up with "Take Care of Yourself First." Back then, it was goofy. It was corny. We thought it was ridiculous, but as I've grown into adult hood, I've realized it makes a lot of sense. Think about a stressful time in your life. How did you feel? What was the cause of the stress? How did you overcome that point in your life? Did you rely on others to help you, or did you look inward and say, "take a deep breath. Breathe. Think it through. You can do this"? This whole mantra can apply in any area of your life including relationships, family life, and just other things (finances, etc.).

Take care of yourself first so you can take care of others. Breathe. Just....breathe.

Worst Morning Show Ever.

Quite possibly the most disgusting morning show on Earth.

You know, I like crude humor with the rest of them, but "The Giant Show" on Project 9-6-1 (96.1 FM out of Atlanta, GA) has got to be the most horrific morning radio show I have ever heard. When they first came around, they promised a radio morning show unlike any others. While I appreciate the fact they still play music as opposed to the other radio stations who ONLY talk for 5 hours or so, I detest the actual show itself.

There's nothing that I want to hear more on my morning drive than to have one of my favorite White Zombie songs end and then hear "Yeah, well one of our MILFs in our hottest MILF contest is nineteen." Way to go. I mean...that's what I want to hear on my drive into work. I want to hear that one of our Atlanta 19 year olds is a 'MILF.' 19...to me...she hasn't even reached adulthood. The fact that she knows how to have a baby isn't "adulthood." Boobs, ass, sex, drugs, getting drunk, while these may be aspects of the "Rock World" - they SUCK to listen to in monotone voices in the morning.

I made the mistake of visiting the "Giant Show" on Project 9-6-1's website, and I couldn't believe my eyes. There should be some sort of content warning. I wasn't expecting to see (fake) Miley Cyrus nude shots, a woman slathered in soapy water "washing" a car, "MILFs" in provocative - nude or almost nude clothing, etc. How disgusting. I was expecting to see some sort of information about bands upcoming or topics discussed, contests, etc. The only contests they seem to have are "who is the hottest MILF?" and "What girl is hottest?" etc. Give me a break.

I may be a woman, but I have a pretty open mind. What I can't stand is hearing how "cool" it is to get drunk ... and drive.....or how "cool" it is to get high....or how "cool" it is to be 19 years old with a baby and still thinking you're all that.

Gross.

Snippets of a Child: Ethan - Part Deux

As always, my coworker has a story about Ethan (see : http://iamnormalyourenot.com/2008/04/snippets-of-child.html), his son.

Ethan was in time out today with other children. Of course, he goes to an overprotective school where the teachers call the parents for EVERYTHING. Today Ethan and some other "bad boys" (Ethan is all of 5) got in trouble and had to sit in timeout.

"Ethan, what happened?"
"Well Joey was in timeout because he talked back to the teacher when she asked him a question about opposites."
"And..."
"Aaaaaaaaaand...Michael got in timeout because he had kicked someone, but he didn't 'kick' him, he pushed him with his foot hard...."
"Aaaaaand...."
"And, Andrew was in timeout because he was throwing things at this other boy."
"And why were you in timeout?"
"I don't know."

It's flippin' amazing.

Isn't it amazing how you're having a GREAT day...when all of a sudden...things happen and then happen AND THEN HAPPEN...and then finally.....it's one big massive storm of anger and annoyance and thinking this could be one of the worst days of your life where NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT?

My day started off fine. STARTED off fine. It's 9:20, the bombs have long since exploded (as of 8am), and not a darn thing anyone can say/do is going to set things right. From work to personal to everything in between...nothing is going right. (FYI, the topics at hand...ex-husband...ex-boyfriend...work...professor...ex-housemate...parents)

I apologize in advance to my friends for anything I might say or do, and if I snap back at you if you ask "what's wrong?" or something trying to be helpful. I might be a little snarkier than usual, but at this time, I'm P.O.'ed beyond belief. I won't apologize for things said. I just won't say anything at all.

Just now that I will, hopefully, survive with my sanity wholly intact, but even that I can't promise.

Who I am. Who I am not.

Talking with a friend today, we were discussing who we are and who we are not. Is how people see us who we really are? Or are we just we?

I polled my friends to see how they would describe me in five words. Here are the results:

Friend # 1:
Honest - honorable in principles, intentions, and actions; upright and fair

Loyal - characterized by or showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance, obligations, etc

Intellectual - possessing or showing intellect or mental capacity, esp. to a high degree

Empathetic - of, pertaining to, or characterized by empathy (empathy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another)

Assertive - confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic

Friend # 2:

Intelligent - having good understanding or a high mental capacity

Loyal - established above ^^^^

Compassionate - having or showing compassion (compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering)

Witty - amusingly clever in perception and expression

Driven - being under compulsion, as to succeed or excel

Friend # 3:

intelligent - see above.

compassionate - see above.

pet friendly ;) - friendly and caring towards pets.

confident - sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one's own abilities, correctness, successfulness, etc

attractive - Pleasing to the eye or mind; charming.

An eerily beautiful song...

An eerily beautiful song by a band known for its dance-like genre of music -

"Unintended" - Muse

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
To my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken
Pieces of the life I had before


Before you

A Bittersweet Day.

It's a beautiful day in May. I can't believe it's already May. It seems just the other day I was brushing snow off the windshield of my car. Today was different.

Today the sky was beautiful and blue with very scant white clouds. The sun was shining. There was a cool breeze blowing. The birds were chirping. It was a very awe-inspiring day where it felt like the animals were going to break into song like some random Disney movie. That, of course didn't happen.

I took it upon myself to enjoy the weather outside. I grabbed a book I had started reading, a glass of ice water, and I headed outside. Immediately, the cool breeze taunted my skin, and I smiled. Amazing is the only word I can even begin to describe. I sat back in a chair on the patio and opened my book.

My reading was interrupted by random "tap, tap, tap" and another "tap, tap, tap tap." I knew it was coming from the trees, and I looked up into the green boughs for a sign of where it came from. A tiny woodpecker was perched on the side of an oak tree tapping away. I watched the delicate bird work until it flew away.

The breeze blew back through the trees, making the ruffling leaves sound like taffeta petticoats or the waves of the ocean lapping and running up the beach. Oh how I want to go to the beach...and soon. I want to feel the ocean water play around my ankles as my toes dig into the sand. I want to lay on the beach and listen to the rush of the waves. I want that, and I need that.

I digress.

The only thing I could think about is "you" weren't here. There was no one here to enjoy this wonderful day with. It was just me. I just wanted a hammock - the hammock. Somewhere in the back yard where I could just lay there with "you," and talk about random things. We'd talk about places we'd like to visit, we'd talk about goals we had, we'd talk about the wonderful things that we'd be doing this Summer. Spring didn't ever seem to come - it's already fading and moving into Summer, and I don't remember it at all.

I would have loved to have just rolled over and looked at you and spent the entire day do nothing but talking. I am almost positive I would have stolen a kiss from "you," and I would have traced my fingers around your shirt while rambling about the most random things ever.

But it would have been a great afternoon...if "You" were here.

Most random blog you might ever read.

Quite possibly the most random blog you’ll ever read.

1) Reality TV Shows: When reality t.v. shows first surfaced, there were only a handful of shows. Real World (Mtv’s “reality” t.v. show was one of the first). Since that time, they have multiplied as fast as putting water on Gizmo. Survivor came out, and, very briefly, the first season or so, it was fun to watch. It was “real.” Now, watching Survivor, you notice that the people haven’t lost as much weight as they did the first season, and the women are ALWAYS made up. My dad noticed an electrical outlet disguised in a tree stump and wrote to the producers (no avail).

With the popularity of Survivor, other shows started springing up to the point of The Surreal Life which spawned Flavor of Love which spawned I Love New York. Now we have every reality show imaginable, and the definition of the world reality has been altered forever. I can watch a family with 8 children sit and complain about everything under the sun. I can watch Brides similar in temperament to Godzilla, winning the title of ‘Bridezilla’ now. I can watch celebrities do the following: find “love,” ballroom dance, lose weight, perform magic, and try out their hidden talents on obscure talent shows. What do I really care?

I opt OUT of reality t.v. There are only three “reality” t.v. shows I watch: Project Runway, Top Chef, and Amazing Race. Project Runway, designers have to use their skills to create attire that fits that challenge. Top Chef, chefs have to use their skills to create dishes that fit that challenge. Amazing Race, pairs have to use their skills to accomplish tasks that fit that challenge in other countries and in the U.S. That is the extent of my reality t.v. watching. Everything else kind of makes me cringe and makes me curious as to what other cultures think of us.

2. You give your whole, they give their corner.

I was writing to a friend yesterday who is drawn like a moth to a flame to bad relationships. Some of you find this ironic that I can discuss such things; however, I know I have bad luck, and I know it comes down to people not being themselves. This person is drawn to people she knows are bad from the get go. There’s no hiding their downfalls (unfaithful, lies, etc.).

Here is what you do – you look at your flaws, and you look at your positives. You come to the realization that everyone has flaws – no human is perfect, but you don’t dwell on them. You just remember that you know what they are. You find someone who complements your flaws and your positives. You find someone that when you say, “me, too!” you mean it. You find someone that when one of your flaws surface, he loves you because he loves all of you, not just your positives, and you realize this. You love someone for who they are, not what they appear to be. You love all of someone – their past, present, and their future – not just what you take at face value or what you “plan” it to become. On the other hand, you realize your past and their past is in…the past. Don’t judge someone based on experiences in the past. This is one of the most difficult things to do. You have to remember, this is a completely different person. They are not the same as past experiences. Don’t doom new relationships from the get go. Learn to let down your guard even a little bit. No one wants someone who is 100% hard core tough person all the time. When he asks, “what’s wrong?” or “is something bothering you?” tell him. Swallow your pride and talk. Don’t ever answer that with “nothing” if something is bothering you. If something isn’t bothering you, don’t answer that with “nothing.” Elaborate, “Oh nothing – why do you ask?” or “Oh nothing – I was just thinking about x, y, and z that happened today.” Chances are, that person is going to say, “Oh – tell me about it.” You get annoyed just as much when you get the “nothing” reply when something clearly is wrong. Don’t expect someone else is going to be okay with it. Never go to sleep angry. Talk it out….in a mature manner. Never speak out in anger. Once a word is spoken, it’s there. It’s never going away no matter how much you say, “I’m sorry.” He’s still going to remember it just as you would. Never second guess yourself, and never doubt yourself. Never let someone walk all over you. Talk. The main thing is “talk.” If you’re not happy about something, tell him, and tell him to be the same way. The main thing is “be yourself.” How are you ever going to find happiness if you’re fooling yourselves from the get-go?

3. FWIW: A great date (the “perfect first date”) ends with you not wanting to leave the other person and making plans for the next date. A great first date (herein referred to as “GFD”) begins with a smile, ends with a smile, and continues the next days with a smile. A GFD ends with the declaration that you, indeed, had a wonderful time, you would definitely like to see the person again. A GFD has you hoping that the person with whom you had your GFD has butterflies just like you do. A GFD has you wanting that person and you to be in a relationship and to pursue a relationship – not just the occasional and sporadic “how’s it going?” but more along the lines of, “it feels great to be in a relationship with you.” A GFD has both of you at ease with each other. A GFD has you both acting like you were school children: smiling, laughing, blushing, and wondering “does he like me like I like him?” A GFD has your goodnight hug wanting to last a little longer.

Quotes.

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” ~ Emil Ludwig

"The anticipation of touch is one of the most potent sensations on earth." ~ Richard J. Finch

“In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of love from one man, rather than the applause of thousands of people.” ~ Judy Garland


"The dedicated life is the life worth living.
You must give with your whole heart." ~ Anne Dillard

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
What is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart." ~ Charles Dickens

"Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things." ~ Denis Diderot

"There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the infinite passion of life." ~ Federico Fellini

"More than kisses, letters mingle souls." ~ John Donne

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can fly only by embracing each other." ~ Luciano De Crescenzo

"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When a male and female combine, all things achieve harmony." ~ Tao Te Ching

"When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." ~ Author Unknown

"Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain." ~Author Unknown

"Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there." ~ Josh Billings

"The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground." ~Author Unknown

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again." ~ Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream Maker

"I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." ~ Ecclesiastes 9:11

"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'" ~ George Bernard Shaw

"Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” ~ Eliza Tabor