Wednesday, November 26, 2008

From Craigslist.

XTerra for Sale

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

You've Disappointed Me.

Bear with me while I get slightly philosophical. Well, let's rephrase that - philosophy with a bit (or a lot) or cynical annoyance.

There comes a point in someone's life where you've been patient and understanding for so long until you finally realize, "I'm not taking this anymore."

Truly, you have disappointed me. The person to which this is directed knows who he is, and my friends do as well.

Why have you disappointed me?

For one thing, there's no closure. Yes, yes, the "C" word..."closure." A word that has been thrown around since the 90s with some psychological mumbo jumbo about life, living, and finding the "answers." You left things open-ended. You left things open for interpretation. Why did you? One can only guess you did so because you didn't have the courage to do so. Instead, you made someone GUESS what you meant, and even when they did guess, you never told them if they were right or wrong.

Why you continue to disappoint me...

I have no idea what is going on in your life, but one can speculate. I'm going to assume that the picture message you sent me a couple of weeks my e-mail...was purely by accident. It saddens me to see how you can take people, be their friend, their lover, or whatever you label yourself, use them just long enough, and then you throw them to the side, stomping on them, and really sending them for a whirl when you don't give them any answers.

I can only assume that you are still doing this, and for that, I feel sorry for any person (male or female) with whom you come in contact.

I never did receive any closure, and, frankly, I'm not sure I want to. I just remember the favors and the things I did for you to help you out when you were low on cash, had an over-limit credit card, needed groceries, etc. I can pinpoint the exact date when I knew things weren't going to work out:

You needed groceries. I went with you. You filled up your cart. You checked out. The total was $69.66, and you ran your card - "declined." Do you have another method of payment? No, you didn't, and you turn to do everyone else in line and the cashier. I should have said, "sorry," but I mistakenly believed the little lies you told me prior and said, "I'll cover it." As we're walking out to your truck with the groceries, you begin to tell me that you had been talking to your ex-wife, and already I could tell she still had her claws in you, and you liked it. It was then that I prepared myself for disaster because I knew it was coming, and I knew this prelude was only going to get worse.

I told you back then, "you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else," but you wouldn't listen, and I'm sure you won't listen.

One day, this will all come around to haunt you, but I feel more sorry for the persons that befriend you, try to help you out, etc. than I ever will for you.

Harsh? Sure, it may be, but at least I'm the one being realistic.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Boston: The End

Wow. I am beat. Today was the last day of the Greenbuild show in Boston. The whipping winds have taken a toll on me, and not only am I windburn, but I have a fever, am sore, and feel awful. My flight is tomorrow at ten. I will pop into work briefly to take care of some things then off I go. This weekend is relaxation at its finest. I cannot wait to get home in my own bed. I do, however, like Boston and would like to come back again... When it is warmer of course :-)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

Cell Phone and "Glasgow" only...

I'll be out of touch from tomorrow (11/18) until Friday afternoon (11/21). I can be reached via cell phone or "Glasgow" only. I'll be in Boston for the GreenBuild Expo and Conference.

It's going to be CHILLY!

Friday, November 14, 2008

" Oh woe is me! The burning embers of my Emo soul are smoldered by the troubles in my life!"

Western and English Riding COLLISION

Thursday, November 13, 2008


...get annoyed with people who live in the constant mindset of "what could have been" and "oh woe is me."

The Big Thank You - help!

The Bert Show's "Big Thank You Project"
Last year, Bert Show listeners collected over 350,000 handwritten thank you letters that were sent to every serviceman and servicewoman stationed outside the United States. This year we're going even bigger.

The goal of The Bert Show's Big Thank You 2008 is to collect 1,051,200 unique messages by Thanksgiving Day! Each message will be posted on this site, and when we reach our goal, we will have enough messages to display a new flashing one on this site every thirty seconds ... for one entire year! Want to participate? Click on the link below...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Helllooooooo, Green Kniiiiiiiiight...

Saturday night, Amyee, John, Andrew, and I went to Medieval Times - only Andrew didn't know where we were going :) First of all, I got us lost by taking 316 to where we needed to be. That was okay - we just took the long way in.

Someone should have told me, "look for the giant castle," and I would have been fine!

We got there, and Andrew was thrilled. We met Amyee and BG and went inside. We were assigned the Green Knight. We stopped briefly to meet the little falcon that was part of the show, and then we headed to the tavern. Andrew got Newcastle, I got Sam Adam's Octoberfest, and BG got a HUGE Octoberfest. We sat in front of a charming HUGE fire around pub tables before deciding to go to the gift shop and tour the torture room.

Okay, so yes, MT is highly commercialized right down to paying $2 per person for admission into the torture room. It was worth it. The torture room had Medieval Torture devices and how they were used. I think there should have been an age requirement to enter as some of the information and items there were a little.....mature.

We went into the "grand hall" where the show was. Let me tell you. It's impressive to see about 1500 people fed their dinner all at the same time! There was MORE than enough food:

Tomato Bisque
Roasted 1/2 chicken
Spare Rib
Roasted Potato
Warmed pastry
2 x cold drink refills
1 x coffee was yummy though I was more mesmerized by the horses (of course).

All in all, it was a great [k]night! :)

Afterwards, we hit Jillian's (similar to D&B) .

Friday, November 7, 2008


Cash cracks me up. He stares at himself in the mirror (has from day one), and has now taken to barking at "the other dog" in the mirror. I never thought Pitties were as smart as he is. He is about 14 weeks old now, and he is 95% housebroken. He still has the occassional accident (he will play hard then whoops!), but my new house has ceramic tile so it's all good.

He is okay with his crate. He'll bark and whimper the first five minutes (if that), but then he passes out or plays with his toys. He is addicted to squeaky toys, and he'll sit for a solid hour squeaking his toys intermittently until I want to beat him with it.

The biggest problem we have right now is what AnDREW and I call "The Pit Bull Pull." He will throw all of his weight (25 lbs) into his front end and pull on his leash. That's a "no no." We are working on his 'Heel.' He already knows sit, his stay is okay, and his come is okay.

He won't let me out of his sight though. Everywhere I go, he goes. I'm cooking - he's sitting on my feet. I'm in the restroom, he's sitting at my feet. I'm taking a shower, he's lying in front of the tub.

Sweet baby.

Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are we?

So my voicemail on my cell phone clearly says my name.

I just got a message, "hey this message is for Gary. I'm calling to remind you of your appointment at Collage on Monday at 1. Thanks."

So I call back using our company phone.

"Hi, someone just called my number looking for Gary who has an appointment with you all. There's no Gary here. It's the wrong number."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well do YOU have an appointment here?"

"I don't even know what you guys are"

"We're a hair salon and spa, we do haircuts and stuff?"

"Like I said, I don't know who you guys are so NO."

"Let me check the number."

"Are you 770-333-xxxx?" (work number)

"Yes, but that's not the number that was called looking for Gary. The message was left on my cell number at 404-xxx-xxxx." (One can only assume when she said, "let me check the number," she looked on her caller ID...not their appointment book.)

"Oh okay, well um...sorry?"

Thursday, November 6, 2008


I have been a member of Freecycle for the past 5 years. MOST people on Freecycle really need the items they request. There was a woman who requested a loveseat on Freecycle - was in "desperate need." So I thought I'd offer her one of my two loveseats. I told her it wasn't much, but if she was in dire need, it'd work. I'd even throw in a loveseat cover, it was lightweight, etc.

She replied to me today. Apparently she's looking for an excellent condition full living room suite for her new house, and my loveseat just would not fit in.

Now, the goal of Freecycle is to give stuff away so that it doesn't end up in landfills, etc. Like I said, most people NEED the items they request and are happy with whatever as long as it is in normal, decent condition. Freecycle isn't a group to join because you want a brand new/excellent condition matching living room suite for your new home :\

R.I.P. Michael Crichton

'Jurassic Park' author, 'ER' creator Crichton

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Michael Crichton, who helped create the TV show "ER" and wrote the best-sellers "Jurassic Park," "The Andromeda Strain," "Sphere" and "Rising Sun," has died in Los Angeles, his public relations firm said in a news release.

Crichton died unexpectedly Tuesday "after a courageous and private battle against cancer," the release said. He was 66.

Michael Crichton was born in Chicago in 1942 and grew up in New York's suburbs. His father was a journalist and Michael loved the writing profession. He went to medical school partly out of a concern he wouldn't be able to make writing a career, but the success of "The Andromeda Strain" in 1969 -- the book was chosen by the Book-of-the-Month Club and optioned by Hollywood -- made him change his mind, though he still had an M.D.

Though most of Crichton's books were major best-sellers involving science, he could ruffle feathers when he took on social issues. "Rising Sun" (1992) came out during a time when Americans feared Japanese ascendance, particularly when it came to technology. "Disclosure" (1994) was about a sexual harassment case. Crichton won an Emmy, a Peabody, a Writers Guild of America Award for "ER," and won other awards as well.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

If you had a penny...

Watching The Happening last night, John Leguizamo asks a girl a math riddle...

If I gave you a penny for Day 1, 2 pennies for Day 2, and 4 pennies for day 3, and I continued doubling the amounts over the next 31 days, what would the total be on the 31st day?
(answer below)

Here's the math:
Day 1 $0.01
Day 2 $0.02
Day 3 $0.04
Day 4 $0.08
Day 5 $0.16
Day 6 $0.32
Day 7 $0.64
Day 8 $1.28
Day 9 $2.56
Day 10 $5.12
Day 11 $10.24
Day 12 $20.48
Day 13 $40.96
Day 14 $81.92
Day 15 $163.84
Day 16 $327.68
Day 17 $655.36
Day 18 $1,310.72
Day 19 $2,621.44
Day 20 $5,242.88
Day 21 $10,485.76
Day 22 $20,971.52
Day 23 $41,943.04
Day 24 $83,886.08
Day 25 $167,772.16
Day 26 $335,544.32
Day 27 $671,088.64
Day 28 $1,342,177.28
Day 29 $2,684,354.56
Day 30 $5,368,709.12
Day 31 $10,737,418.24

Guess that's why stealing a "fraction of a cent" in Office Space didn't work too well.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Invite to all members of the BC-Squared Social Club

As I was packing and moving this weekend, I found a Medieval Times cup in my car from Shane and Kim's. It occurred to me that I don't think anyone a part of the BC-Squared Social Club has ever been. Was curious if you guys wanted to? :)

Either Really Strong or Really Light...

You be the judge....

First day

So I left the house at 6:30 after taking the puppy out etc. I got to work at 7. I guess I should leave for work a little later instead of wasting time drinking coffee and eating breakfast in front of the Silver Comet. Today is Cash's first day home alone. I am expecting an accident in his crate, but that is to be expected.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Moving update

I am about sixty percent moved now. Guess what I will be doing every night this week?

Saturday, November 1, 2008

To my new home

Multimedia message

I cannot stand liars. I put my bike for sale since I will be the owner of a Blue bike. A guy offered me $100 yesterday and I accepted with pick up today. They live in Buckhead. I get to the meeting place and put my bike together. A snotty woman walks by with her Pomeranian and does not say a word. A few minutes later a guy walks up sees my bike hands me cash and says count it out. I am glad I did. It was only 80. I stopped him as he started to walk away with my bike and tell him that we agreed on 100. He said no we said eighty. I quoted him his email (since I have a great memory). He said I am not going to argue and pulls out twenty while telling me I need to check my email then. I pull out my phone and said sir we can check it right now. He says no no that is okay but we said 80. He walked away I got in my car opened my email ...$100...and I forwarded him our email thread. They drove away in their Cadillac Escalade.