Last night, we were lazy and decided to eat out. We go to a chain restaurant in our area, and we are seated in a booth behind a couple. Based on the [loud] conversation, we determined they were *probably* on a first date.
Here we go (enjoy!)
Man: (deep redneck accent...yes, there is a difference between "Southern" and "Redneck") Yeah well I bought her a bunch of stuff like clothes, and jewelry, and stuff. Then I bought her a diamond ring - 2.5 carats - when I done give it to her, she said, "it ain't from Tiffany's."
Woman: Oh my gosh? Are you serious?! HAHAHAHAHA
Man: Yeah, I mean her parents don't know I got her the laptop or that purse. She done told her parents that she got that purse from a friend! I got an e-mail the other day telling me that the custom shoes I bought her were in. I mean, I let her pick out the colors and everything.
Woman: Oh goodness! That was awesome of you!
Man: And then when we broke up, we had this dog. And she moved in with her dad, and her dad done told her, "this dog, it got to go!" So she gave the dog to me to find it a home. I contacted a mutual friend of ours down in McDonough that had a nice big farm for it, and he said, "I'll take care of it," but you know what happened?
Woman: NO...oh my gosh...what happened?!
Man: When I brung that dog down there, he said he'd take care of it by putting a .22 to its head and pullin' the trigger.
Woman: Oh my God! That's awful! What did you do?!
Man: Well I done took that dog back, and I started drivin' around them nice neighborhoods? And I found a house that had a fenced in backyard and stuff, and it had a healthy lookin' dog, so I just opened the gate and put the dog in there.
Woman: Aww, I bet it was a nice home!
Man: Well she done called our friend to ask about "Murphy," and when she found out he wha-int at the farm, she asked me, "WHERE IS HE?!" So she done put WANTED and LOST posters up everywhere...
Woman: Oh my God. Are you serious? HAHAHAHAHA
Man: Yeah! And then wouldn't you know, I get a phone call from Fulton County Animal Control telling me they done have my dog!
Woman: How did they know who to call?
Man: Well that dog had one of those chippy things in it. HAHAHAHA
** Waitress brings the check to them. **
Man: You got this?
Woman: Uh...I can get this.
Man: Yeah 'cause all that money I done spent on HER, I am dead broke. I ain't got a DIME to my name!
Woman: Yeah..yeah...um.....no problem.
Man: Thanks. Well I thought this went well...?
Man: Have a safe drive home, honey. Call me when you get there so I know you got home all right.
Woman: Okay - I DEFINITELY will.
What.the.(you fill in the rest)?! My fiancé reached forward, grabbed my hands and said, sarcastically, "aren't you glad you don't have to go through that anymore?" I mean what is wrong with people: who goes on a date and talks about their ex, how they bought stuff, shooting a dog, abandoning a dog, and then "you got this?" What the Hell?
RUN, LADY! RUN!