Monday, January 26, 2009

Movie Reviews

Being down and out has some advantages: the ability to watch movies. Netflix has this new function in which you can watch movies instantly on your XBox 360:

1. Asylum (2008): Wow. Don't waste your time. Giving it a star rating from 1-5...I give it a 1. It's a movie whose storyline goes something like this: group of college students enter their first year of college. Their dorm is a former asylum used for treating teens with anxieties, etc. The doctor went mad and started torturing patients. Patients rebelled and killed doctor. Of course, the funny part is....the students stay in the restored wing of the asylum while the not yet restored wing remains locked from them. The "funny" part is that the not yet restored portion...hasn't even been gutted yet. Hospital beds, patient files, etc. all remain (like that would happen). The group of students (all with something twisted in their past) decide to go into the unrestored portion of the asylum, and of course, that's when things go wrong. The students all die one by one (in rather rapid succession and in a matter of two days or so). The special effects are so cheap it's not even funny. The only good part about this movie is that it was not a long movie, and I was able to say things like, "hey that's the blonde guy from 'Accepted,'" and "that's the kid who plays the whacked out son in 'Desperate Housewives.'" That's about it. Save your time. Don't watch this movie. Rating : *

2. Resurrecting the Champ (2007): Starring Josh Hartnett and Samuel L. Jackson. Star rating system, this one would get at LEAST 4-1/2 stars...if not 5. The movie is about a newspaper journalist (Hartnett) who just hasn't found his zest in his reporting of boxing events for the Denver Times. That is until he meets Bobbin' Bob Satterfield (Jackson) who is a homeless man on the streets. Hartnett decides to befriend the boxer, known as "The Champ," and learn about the man's past, his fights, his life, and more. The more Hartnett learns about Jackson, the more he learns about himself. I won't go into details about the ending, but it's a great GREAT movie (and the first in a long time in which Jackson didn't have his abrasive "F-you, M'f-er" attitude). Rating: ****-1/2 to *****

3. The Tattooist (2007): Takes place in Singapore (briefly) and New Zealand. Despite readint he back of the DVD at the video store and laughing it off, it was a pretty decent movie. A tattooist who believes in the healing power of some tattoos steals a Samoan tattooing tool from a trade show booth. An eerie chain of events take place which connects the tool with the events, and has the tattooist (a caucasian man from the USA) seeking out the Samoan tattooing group's help. While it doesn't rank as the best thriller or anything, it has a good storyline and is a good brief movie to watch. Rating: ***-1/2

4. Wedding Daze (2006)- also known as "The Pleasure of Your Company": Movie stars Jason Biggs (from the American Pie series). Oh my. Please don't waste your time seeing this movie! I don't know what was worse, Jason Biggs' parents getting hot and bothered everytime someone said a word that could have a sexual connotation (he's coming to visit....he's visit.......COM-ING) to the point of roleplaying ("I'm just a little girl, please don't hurt me"), the bogus storyline (boy proposes to girl, girl drops dead, boy goes into a stupor, proposes to waitress, waitress says yes, some trouble, they get married), or the very blatant random sexual scenes in the movie (Jason Biggs calls his parents for help, and his father - wearing a silk robe- speaks "sorry, we have to end this here," and the camera pans to two girls making out, nude, and some serious petting in front of their fire.) I feel as though I lost brain cells watching this movie. Not funny....not redeeming moments. Rating: *

5. Outsourced (2006): What a great movie! You won't recognize any actors except maybe the main character who played in "With Honors" with Brendan Fraser back in the 90s. It's a movie about a guy in America whose company outsources their order fulfillment branch to India. He has to go to India to train them. It's amazing seeing the cultural differences and how they are overcome. Definitely a great movie. Rating: ****

No comments: