Friday, April 18, 2008

Melting White Girl in South Georgia Summer Heat

So if I could be DANA COOK - (the female version of Dane Cook) - I would be. If you don't know who Dane Cook is...you should be ashamed of yourself!

So I'm a yankee girl../transplanted down to Georgia...and I don't do well with this heat. First off....it gets so friggin' hot...Satan goes back to Hell to cool off.

The white yankee folks are melting down here.

Don't get me started on the small buzzing...annoying...kamikaze flying...engine-powered gnats...different story.

No...I'm talking about meeeeelllllllting.Leaving Savannah....my blouse was completely unbuttoned...the ladies were out...my blouse tied around my waist - A/C blasting...and not doing a damn thing.

Don't....touch.....me. I'm hot. That's all there is....I'm friggin' hot. A family walks out of a museum that parallels my car. "Hello family - no - I'm not flashing you...I'm just melting" I say with a half-attempted smile.

Jude Law..in all his glory...could come up to me right now and ask me to have sex with him. My response? "DON'T F*CKIN TOUCH ME!" I say...arms flailing wildly about like a madman. I'm hot...I'm melting..and the last thing I want is some multi-million dollar hottie wanting to have sex with me. I mean geez...what IS he thinking?Continue driving towards I-16....*sing-song* still ho-ot.

A couple of truckers...a couple of men...and a few lesbians get a thrill, but I'm still friggin' hot. I think my internal A/C just isn't working. C'mon God...pass along a little Natural Freeon. Two hours pass, and I think my body is back down to triple digits - no longer scorching like the core of the Earth.

Now I'm all nasty....I'm sweaty....I'm BLAGH...there's no other term in the English language like "BLAGH" that just sums it up..."how are you?""BLAGH.""how are you feeling?""BLAGH.""what's the weather like?""BLAGH."Really - what better word is there.

So the moral of the story is.....yankee white girl + South Georgia + blagh = Don't F*ckin Touch Me!

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