Thursday, May 12, 2011

Dear female driver in the grey Buick....

Dear female driver in the dark grey Buick sedan,

Good Morning. I hope that your drive in was much less annoying than mine, but seeing as you chose to do an entire makeup regiment while driving, I would venture to guess your morning isn't annoying. I don't know where you learned to drive, and I don't know if anyone has told you, but applying a full face of makeup while driving is a "no no." Some things I noticed are as follows:

1. You almost rear-ended my car several times. We were only moving at approximately 10 miles per hour. There's no reason to zoom up on my rear bumper to the extent that I couldn't see your windshield wipers. I had to constantly check my rear view mirror to ensure you weren't going to hit me which only made my drive "awesome."

2. Foundation, pressed powder, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, eyelash curler, lipliner, lipstick, moisturizer, and then starting at oneself in your mirror is supposed to be performed at home or when you get into your the restroom.

3. You cut off two people to the extent that they had to slam on their brakes to avoid you and prevent you from clipping their front right fenders when you darted over to the fast lane. I don't know if you noticed the gentleman in the SUV flip you off as you did so as you were too busy putting finishing touches on your lipstick.

While I would have loved to obtain your tag number and report you for reckless driving, the drive out tag your vehicle had was so old that the dealer name and information was faded, and the adhesive residue was dried and brown. Something tells me you were supposed to have gotten a tag many months ago.

Leave your cosmetic application and home, and DRIVE!


The [accident-free] female driver ashamed to be lumped into the same sex as you.

No comments: