Death of the Unicorn.

There are a variety of cycles in life: the life cycle, the seasons, etc. The word "cycle," itself means any complete round or series of occurrences that repeats or is repeated.

Most of you already know what I'm about to address anyways. You've listened to me break down, bawling on the phone, gasping for air, and utterly confused.

I chose the above tapestry picture as I thought it was ironic, and it was sitting in my e-mail this morning from a friend of mine.

I was told I was a "unicorn:" someone who is not supposed to exist except in a person's fantasy or imagination, aka "the perfect girl." (That statement is important - "the perfect girl.") So here I am a unicorn, the perfect girl. Someone who is intelligent and sexy and humorous and positive and has a variety of interests always a story to tell to make others feel good, non-argumentative, non-combative, loyal and faithful to a fault. Carefully guarding my heart, semi-building a wall around it to prevent it from being taken and stomped again. Cautious but willing to trust and love again. I am a unicorn.

Enter scene: The man. The man that the unicorn opened itself up to. The man that knows things that no one else knows. I was cautious. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. After a couple of weeks and months, that other shoe wasn't dropping, and I was happy. I opened the gate to the wall around my heart, and I let him in. I wrote in my journal, "and for once in my life I have no fear of him breaking it [my heart]." We'll say that he's the person on the right in the tapestry. The one the unicorn is comfortable with, the one the unicorn trusts won't hurt it or let anything harm it.

Enter scene: "It." I still don't know what "It" is, and that's half the reason why "It" bothers me. We'll say "It" is the person on the left. The one spearing the unicorn. The "It" hovers over like a dark cloud. I think part of the "It" is doubt, lack of confidence, unsurety, denial, and false hope. "It" has always been in a cycle. "It," as I learned last night, has always been there for "The man" from the get go of the unicorn and The man being together, unbeknownest to me.

When "It" enters the scene, "the man" changes. The man woos the unicorn. The man takes care of it and promises the unicorn that nothing will happen to it. That "the man" won't leave the unicorn unless the unicorn tells him to go. The man makes empty promises and compliments to the unicorn that the unicorn is a blessing, a breath of fresh air, and someone that he is grateful to have in his life. The man tells the unicorn he loves the unicorn, and all the while "It" hovers over and grins an evil grin overhead knowing that The man really doesn't mean these things because, if he did, "It" would be nowhere in sight.

In one fell swoop, the unicorn is coddled and reassured that things are okay, within hours, the unicorn is dead. The unicorn is the victim of The man and "It." The unicorn is given the age-old statement, reworded, of "it's not you, it's me," but it's not The man that has died. The man still lives. It's the unicorn that is dead. The man goes on living, and the cycle starts again because The man will never remove himself from "It," and The man has no want to remove himself from "It." Somewhere down the line, there will be more and more unicorns that crosses his path. The cycle will continue, and each time, a unicorn will die until there are no more unicorns, and unicorns really will just be a figure of someone's imagination.