Adventures in E-mail

Everytime I open my e-mail, I get quite a start,

I get messages from Harry, Mike, Jessica, and even a guy named
Art.

I don't know these people, and I'm sure they don't exist,

But it's e-mails like the following that really make me
pissed,

I don't want to increase my breast size, I don't want to enlarge
my penis,

I don't want to be a lawyer, and I don't want to receive a degree
to be a machinist.

I don't wanna help a lost Prince of Namibia, and I don't wanna
patch my 'puter,

I don't wanna buy Omaha Steaks, monitors, or even a brand new
scooter.

I don't wanna give her multiple orgasms, and I don't wanna pass
the buck,

I don't wanna worry about my life, my love, my friends, or my
luck.

I don't wanna have to pester and send a chain e-mail to my
friend,

Just to receive the same chain-letter that seems to never
end.

So before you press forward, reply, or send, to clog up my
mailbox,

Remember I don't care about your plight, another's or mailbox sent
small pox.

I just want to receive normal messages - nothing to buy or
sell,

So if I receive another junk mail, I'm gonna blow this computer to
Hell.