Glenn Beck: WORST VOICEMAIL

http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/12076/ (gives the audio)

Actual voicemail(s) left below....read above for actual audio/reply:

VOICEMAIL # 1: Sorry I had to leave such a rush message with you when we met the other day. I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number, and I have to get the heck out of the area. In any event, I figure I better leave you a more detailed message. I am single. I have no trouble meeting women. I mean, women approach me six, seven times a day. I'm very particular about what I like. If you're extremely elegant. I couldn't take my eyes off of you and your friends were very jealous. Even if they say they weren't, they were envious of the fact that I approached you.

And I was very taken by you. Elegant women are very rare. I'm Greek and I'm very particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. I don't know if you pick up the messages on the weekend, but I'm working on a movie script. So I'm pretty much around all week.

I'm working on a movie script. So I'm pretty much around all weekend doing that. I left you my number, 416-918... this looks like a land line and if it is, you may not get the message until Monday. But when you do, call me and then we'll get together for coffee and chat and let the romance begin. You look very taken aback by my approach and I --

Timidness, I hope it was just a little bit of shock at being approached so directly because I don't really date timid women because I'm a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man and I want a woman who's very independent and strong. So we'll talk about that, but I just wanted to formally introduce myself.

Now I have. You call me as soon as you have the courage to, okay, Olga? Talk to you soon. Bye.

** WOMAN DECIDES: FRUITCAKE! AND DOESN'T CALL BACK **

VOICEMAIL # 2: Hi there, Olga. It's Demetri calling again, the guy from the street. I left you a message several days ago. You said you were interested. Now, here's the way I work. I don't like leaving second messages, but I like you. You're a very elegant woman. You are very attractive but, you know, I don't play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls, you're playing games like you see on stupid TV shows. So here's how it's going to work. It is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now, I'll assume, I'll assume that you've already left work because, you know, some people leave early, and I'll grant you that. And if I do not receive a phone call back from you by 3:00 Thursday afternoon, I'm no longer interested and you can erase my number. I don't play games like that. I'm completely single, I'm very intelligent. I'm great in bed, I make great money. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. I've only been single four months, had a long distance relationship, you know, been a year. It's very tough to maintain it like that and it didn't work out. There's nothing wrong with me.

As a matter of fact, I'm one of the few men in the city that has nothing wrong with him. So I'm giving you that 3:00 deadline. If I don't hear from you, you lose my number. I'm erasing yours right now. You won't be hearing back from me.

So that's it. 3:00 tomorrow or you can just completely forget it. Now, I understand if you've got other issues like maybe you're not playing games. Maybe you had -- I don't know, maybe you were abused from childhood. Maybe your mother has cancer, you're going to chemo.

Maybe you're just a person who's extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder. Maybe you're on some medication for that. I don't know. There could be another issue that I'm not aware of. And nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. That's extremely passive-aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder.

And you let me know. If you've got issues, psychological issues, if you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested, okay? But if you're psychologically normal and you haven't called me because there's been some horrible things that's happened in your life which prevented you, that's fine. But otherwise don't call me, okay? Bye.